I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
