That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
