So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
