He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just googled if crying burns calories
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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