I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
