No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
