Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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