Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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