One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
