My friends, they love my intelligence
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize