mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
