She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have fence marks all over my body
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
