im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
