how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
