i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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