Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
