so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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