Just fell off a train. Bad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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