mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is classic penis vs brain.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
