his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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