Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is her dick bigger than yours?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
