I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize