dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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