NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
