I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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