but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
