these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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