He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize