why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
