whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
