I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
