i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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