hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We smell like vodka and hangover
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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