my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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