Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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