FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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