also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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