I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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