He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
