Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
