so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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