worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize