I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
