We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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