your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
