I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
