we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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