dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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