K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
