You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm jealous of your bromance
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
