im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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