Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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