Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
