I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
