my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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