Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
