dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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