OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
