last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
