i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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