my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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