I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
