I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
