Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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