wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
