You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
