One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
