She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
