Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
