I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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