life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
