my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
