the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
