This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
