im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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