Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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