And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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