listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
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