My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize