how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
