using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
